Fuck, its nearly 1am by now and I have "class"--what I now call "school"-- tomorrow morning at 10:30. Im getting tired of time always fucking with me. its a silly notion that no matter what time never stops. it just keeps moving us through to our death like a giant hand of God slowly and gently shoving us forward over the edge of a cliff. There's no stopping it, this Time nonsense. It's the beat the whole universe bounces to.

I just saw something on TV about Daytona Beach. Everytime I hear it it rings a bad connotation in my ear. It hangs there as a constant symbol of my hopeless dreams being danggled just out of my reach like a mobile above a crib.

Don't worry what I mean by this.

Anyway, it is now 1:02 and I need to read of my adventures On the Road with ol' Sal Paradise and Dean Moriarty. Maybe this will get my mind offa the silly thoughts that plauge me tonight. Why do you have to taunt me, so! (Why am I being so downright emo about all this? I sound like some goddamn Edgar Allen Poe morose sonnofabitch. Kick my teeth in now.)

Don't you find it strange how thoughts create feelings that pulse through our bodies with fantastic electric neon waves, piercing our souls and instantly filling us to the brim with emotions of hurt or pain or excitement, and never once do we stop and question why we think these terrible thoughts of worry and anticipation, and everyday it brings us one degree closer to our inpending doom? Our mind countinuously picks and prods at these sick ideas, making them swell and bulge, awaking these angry beasts inside us to tear our flesh to shreds thinking of banal worries that play over and over again in our heads like a tape player whose buttons have been melted in your hot car-- there's no stopping it now unless you get out and walk home.

Its quite silly when you come to think about it. All these mindless thoughts that we allow to entertain themselves inside us and cause us so much torment, such anquish. Why not just stop thinking? Why is this so hard? Afterall, there is no reason to worry about school or work or relationships now. Now is now, not later. Get a grip, goddamnit. And stop thinking those horrible thoughts and drink some tea.